Cultures of Shame

Of the three characteristics of culture, guilt, fear and shame, the latter fascinates me the most.  Shame cultures are most dominant in many of the places I work in  Asia and some parts of Africa. 

I just finished reading Shame, by  Jasvinder Sanghera, her story, who at the age of 15 rebelled against her parents who had arranged her marriage to an older man who she had never met.  Running away with a low caste boy, she was ostracized the rest of her life because she had brought shame to her Sikh family living in England.  Jasvinder’s story gives insight on how shame cultures control the lives of the community, be they Sikh, Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist.  Jasvinder’s story brings to light shame based violence that is still quite prevalent in many parts of the world.

The author’s story is brutally honest and in my culture, where vulnerability is seen as weakness, I was intrigued with her openness, not only about the Sikh community but also her own personal failings.  The sub-plot is a person who was looking for love in all the wrong places. 

As a westerner working in shame cultures I learned a long time ago that the primary reason people do not listen to the message of Christ, much less embrace the Gospel, is not because they reject merits of Jesus, but because they are forbidden to as a community to entertain any notion of faith beyond their own.  To become a Christian would be as shameful as to marry someone of a different caste.  Jasvinder’s six sisters dutifully accepted the arranged marriages of their “mum,” even though it was not their choice.  They accepted the abuse of their husbands and husband’s family so that they would not bring shame on the family or community.  To become a follower of Christ would bring about the exact results. 

A strength overused can become a weakness.  The strength of collective society like the Sikhs has many advantages over individualistic societies, like America, where the breakdown of community and family has led to their own path of looking for love in all the wrong places.  The weakness of collective societies is they become isolated and closed.  To anyone working among shame cultures I recommend this book.  Not only will it give insights of the community they may serve, it will help in knowing the struggles they face in many areas of their life. 

Training Nationals

I have been asked to give lessons on how to teach/train cross-cultural workers in Bulgaria next year.  The classes will be to North Americans serving in Eastern Europe as well as national leaders.  Here are just ten tips in training cross-culturally.

1. It’s All New – Most nationals (and many N. Americans) have never been introduced to cross-cultural concepts.  Don’t overwhelm the student.  Keep it simple.  Define your terms.

2. Time is Relative -  In some cultures time is a suggested concept.  Don’t become unhinged if class doesn’t begin on time.  If the class is habitually late, inform the students that the sessions will overrun to make up for time lost.

3. Holistic Versus Linear – People get lost with,

Section I

   Heading A

        Subheading (a)

           

            For analytical thinkers, it might seem to make the lessons flow.  But for holistic thinkers if the subject doesn’t have meaning they get confused on how the segmented parts fit.

4. Make Applications Relevant -  Contextualization is a word, a concept.  Applying the concept within the context is key.  Example:  Functionalism is theory on how cultures work.  Bride price is an economic function for the father of the daughter.  Dowry is an economic function of for the father of the son.

5. Interaction is Slow -  Many students in other countries are to be seen, not heard.  Don’t expect many questions or comments in the class sessions until you have been with them at least two weeks.

6. Don’t Give Essay Exams -  In many parts of the world students learn through rote memory.  If you give essay questions you are likely to get three pages of quotes from the notes, which may or may not be close to the answer.  I prefer to give multiple choice, true/false and fill in the blank questions.

7. Quizzes -  The student may say she understands the class subject, but does she really?  Give a ten question quiz after one week to make sure the students really do understand the class.

8. Post-Class – Another way to make sure students understand the class and concepts, give half-hour for group discussion on the lesson.  Those students who understand the class will help those who miss some of the concepts.

9. Kinesics -  Learn the rules of culture  as it relates to eye contact (in some places the answer is, you don’t do it), standing (no hands in the pocket) and hand gestures.  A respectful greeting in Korea is an obscene gesture in Russia.

10. Titles – Don’t refer to yourself as Bob or Mary.  It’s either Mr./Mrs., professor, teacher or doctor.  At the same time don’t be obnoxious about your title.

Do you have other suggestions?  Let me know.

The Letters

My wife drug me out of the house today to do some shopping…which is as enjoyable as my mom making me eat a plate of lima beans when I was a kid.  Trying to salvage the day, I trolled what was playing at the local cinemas.   I was actually looking for Hindi movie; always fun and they have subtitles!  Nothing looked that great but one movie that came out today caught my eye – THE LETTERS.

Anyone who is remotely familiar with the life of Mother Teresa cannot help but be impressed.  A nun from Albania, she worked in India for 50 years, serving the poorest of the poor and the dying in the slums of Calcutta. 

Her letters to her bishop revealed that her life, while rewarding, was also one of loneliness and feelings of abandonment.  The loneliness that comes with a missionary leaving ones homeland, possibilities of marriage and family and spending countless hours in solitary prayer; the feeling of abandonment from God at her lowest moments.   Ironically, she felt that these two burdens of her soul were also that which motivated her to serve others.  “The greatest suffering is to fill alone, unwanted, unloved.”

The movie is a bit slow and I didn’t find the acting particularly good, though Juliet Stevenson portrayed Mother Teresa well.  Perhaps because of my association with India for over twenty years and having visited the grave of Mother Teresa, my attention remained just by the sheer familiarity of what was on the screen.  If I had directed the film I would have included clips from her life, her death (she died the same day as Princess Diana) and State Funeral (unheard of except for heads of state).  

What I gleaned from THE LETTERS, was a woman who lived by faith, prayer and selflessness.  In one scene, Mother Teresa refuses to move on a decision until God reveals His will and she would pray until the answer came.  Coincidently, it was the same thing I read about this morning in J. Hudson Taylor’s, A Retrospect: The Story Behind My Zeal for Missions.

The life of Mother Teresa has many critics, and for some her theology is enough to keep them from watching this film.  For me, I am captivated by anyone’s dedication to Christ and the discipline they are willing to embrace to serve Him.  Especially in the day we live in, i.e. the feelings of entitlement as well as the refusal of inconvenience (Suffering? Forget about it!).  I am guessing that I came out of the theater more enriched spiritually that if I plumped down eight bucks to watch Creed or Love the Coopers.  I’d give THE LETTERS 2 1/2 stars as a movie,  3 1/2 stars for my soul.