Control

Everyone knows a “control freak.” These people live their lives directing other people on how they should live, act or speak. It’s the housewife who is always in a bad frame and makes everyone else in the household subject to her moods, rants and raves until she gets her way. It’s the husband who criticizes and degrades his wife and children. It’s the boss, or superior who has just enough leverage to make those in the workplace miserable but not necessarily more productive. Controllers perceive themselves as being decisive and important, but in reality they are just selfish.

In anthropology the study of “social control” looks at both formal control (laws) and informal control (shame cultures, family structure and religion). Understanding social control gives insights on how people make decisions, which is vital in helping people in cultures make a decision to be a follower of Christ.

Religion has a strong control component. Pastors, priests and witchdoctors often use the fear of supernatural retribution to manipulate and control their followers. Whether the issue is wearing a burka, paying a tithe or not drinking alcohol, behind every rule there is a controller to enforce the rules. Controllers get addicted to their power and often abuse those under their authority. A classic example of control is in the following story.

At the end of one of teaching sessions in India a young lady raised her hand and asked this question.

“At my baptism my pastor gave a word of prophecy for each person baptized that day; everyone except me. I have been troubled for many years because I did not receive a prophecy. Do you think I should be re-baptized?”

As this student told me the story you could see the anguish she was feeling, almost to the point of tears. Almost every day her relationship with God has been negatively affected because of that day when the spiritual controller in her life did not bless her at baptism. I felt sadness for this dear girl, but even more, I felt anger. How tragic that some people have such power over others that they can make them feel alienated from God.

Control is a reciprocal relationship. The boss, wife or pastor can only wield their control to those who allow it. There are many people who stay in an abusive marriage, church or place of employment because they feel they have no recourse. If they do challenge the controller they fear being fired, excommunicated or divorced, a price they feel is too high to pay so they acquiesce.

Not all control is wrong and, indeed, a certain amount of control is needed in families, religion or companies to function properly. If there is no authority and control then the environment is left to chaos and anarchy. There is a fine line between leadership and controllers.

My response to my student was that, while she is to respect her pastor and those in authority, no man has the power to bless or curse. That authority belongs to God alone.