Wedding Culture

Last week we were invited to attend a wedding reception, which was an interesting cultural experience. The groom is the son of a friend of my wife who is a fellow leader in Bible Study Fellowship here in New Delhi. Some observations about the evening:

The couple is from Kerala, a state in the south where the wedding took place. It’s tradition that the couple will live in with the grooms parents, who live in Delhi, thus the reason for a reception two weeks after the actual ceremony in the south. It was an arranged marriage, like most marriages in India. I didn’t get a chance to do an in-depth research (I was more interested in the food that was served), but my guess the union was based on three things --- both bride and groom were from Kerala and probably close in caste, both belonging to the same church (Marthoma Syrian, which was supposedly founded by St. Thomas, Apostle of Jesus) and, both being from a middle upper class of society.

As the MC was giving his speech the emphases was on the couples education; the groom has an advanced degree in civil engineering and the bride is completing her M.A. in food technology (whatever the heck that is). One can’t help but be struck by the importance of education in this society. I don’t think I ever attended a wedding in the states where they talked about educational and occupational accomplishments, just memories of the couple when they were little and their character qualities as being sweet, honest or hard working.

After the introduction everyone went by to give their gifts and have their picture taken with the bride and groom. Because it was a Christian wedding of a very strict denomination, there was no alcohol served. The Sikh guy who was there to be the D.J. was told to turn off the Punjabi music, so instead, we listened to the Beatles, Bee Gees, John Denver and Abba. We left early, but I understand the kids danced until about midnight. The food was more South Indian -- dal, rice, dosa and masala chicken. It was a non-veg. affair. Because everyone was from Kerala the women wore sari’s, the men wore western suits and those under 25 wore casual sweaters and jeans. The formal comments and most conversation was in English, though the older folks spoke Malayalam.

Being the only non-Indian couple there, it was obviously a very interesting event for Sandy and me. The mosaic of cultures God has created is amazing to observe.

Tolerance Is Not Open-Ended

There’s a fine line between being tolerant of others views yet holding to what we perceive to be truth. Those who have no strong opinions on issues berate those who do have an opinion, characterizing them as intolerant, at best, narrow minded bigots, at worse. Clearly one can be open to others opinion and gently agree to disagree. Depending on whether you are a radical open-minded person (who dismisses anyone who has a strong conviction about anything) or a radical closed-minded person (there is only one way correct answer, which is theirs), will determine whether there is room for dialogue. Example:

Wickets responded to one of my blogs (More Than Religion), stating he had a warm feeling toward Jesus, but had a poor opinion of Christianity. So far so good. I, too, have a poor opinion of institutional Christianity as some times it promotes the vehicle (church or denominationalism) of the message (Christ) than it does the Person (Jesus) of the message. This could be said of all institutional religion, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist.

Then Wickets said, “For me Jesus is as much sweet & benevolent as is Buddha... and more.” Ooops, we’ve crossed the line of tolerance to no man’s land of radical open-mindedness, i.e. situational ethics, relativism and the territory of whaaateverrrr.

As a follower of Jesus I would, of course, make a distinction between Jesus and Buddha. Actually the two are not in the same camp. Buddha taught self-enlightenment which leads to self-salvation. Jesus, however, taught that man’s salvation could never be attained through his own efforts. The whole reason Jesus came on the scene of the world was to provide salvation through His death and resurrection (I know it’s a strange story to non-believers, but I didn’t write the script, God did).

I realize that religion is divisive. Part of the reason is because of the fanaticism of the open and the closed minded. But a closer study of Jesus will reveal that he was a divisive personality. Heck, they nailed him to a cross because he told the world that he was the way, the truth and the life, and that if anyone wished to see God it would be through him. Jesus was hardly confused in who he was, nor was he very accommodating to those who disagreed with him. For over 2,000 years the person of Jesus continues to be divisive, especially to those who reject his claim or who preach the message of open-mindedness.

Tolerance is not open ended. The line of tolerance ends when a person becomes intolerant of those who hold a conviction of truth. Or, it ends when one seizes a conviction. You can say you love Jesus and Buddha, but in the sight of God, only one claimed to be His Christ. They are not mutually exclusive. Like loving two women, you have to choose one to be your wife…unless, of course, you can find a woman that is tolerant enough to allow you to love others at the same time. It doesn’t work that way on earth; it certainly doesn’t work that way in eternity.

You Make The Call

After I presented my paper on saturation church planting at a recent consultation, someone from the audience asked me my opinion on those in India classified as “churchless Christians.” The next day another presenter gave this case study.

“Last January while traveling to Goa by a Volvo bus from Bangalore, Kiran, a soft ware engineer was sitting next to me. I paused for prayer before the bus started. Immediately Kiran said, “I am also a believer. She shared her testimony. It was a joy to know how God captured her life and how the amazing love of God has been enabling her to witness for the Lord at work and in the neighborhood. She wanted to be discipled. Initially I helped her through emails and phone calls and later I put her in touch with a team to disciple her. After a few months God enabled her to lead her elder sister, Kokila, to Christ. Both the sisters have not taken baptism as they do not want to hurt the feelings of their devout Hindu parents, siblings and grandparents. They will be baptized in God’s appointed time. Nevertheless they continue to maintain a warm relationship with their family members.”

How do you feel about this case study? What are your thoughts on the churchless Christian? You make the call.

Gentle Scholar

Someone once said that PhD. stands for “piled higher and deeper.” Such comments are usually from people who don’t have a degree and feel better about themselves if they can tear down those with more education. It is true, however, that sometimes those with advanced degrees can be pretentious and arrogant. Attending a consultation this past week with a bunch of academician’s there was enough posturing at the meeting to last me for a year.

Dr. Paul Hiebert was at the conference, a man who is well known in missiological circles and whose writings on issues of contextualization, anthropology and mission are often cited. I have used Dr. Hiebert’s classic article on the “Flaw of the Excluded Middle,” many times as well as his classification of epistemology.

Having breakfast with this, now 73-year-old man, I was blessed with his genuine humble and gentle spirit. He grew up in India and we talked about the difficulties and blessings of “third culture kids” (TCK’s). I told him about my own children and what a rich experience it was for them to have been raised in Kenya. After I delivered my paper, he did not display his superior knowledge but was kind and encouraging toward my presentation.

I thought of another kind and tender scholar I met several years ago, Dr. Lloyd Kwast. Lloyd, who taught at Biola University, was one of the gentlest men I have ever known, and was as godly as he was brilliant. He passed away too young but his testimony to those he taught continues to resonate.

It won’t be too many years before I will reach the age of these two men who I admire. Though I cannot emulate their intellectual abilities, I can try to imitate their humility of spirit. My appreciation is to those who are brilliant yet who remain gracious.

Military Ministry

I cut my ministry teeth in Del Rio, Texas thirty-five years ago. Bethel Baptist Church was my first real pastorate and where I learned what it meant to be in full-time Christian service. Most of the congregation was made up military people from Laughlin Air Force Base outside of town. I look back with fond memories of the three years we were there but wish I knew then what I know now as to the importance of serving the Lord in a military town.

Last week the memories of Laughlin came back as I spoke at the Mission Baptist Church (http://www.missionbaptist.com) outside of Seoul. Mission Baptist is an international church, but the congregation is primarily people from Osan Air Base. I had the privilege to speak at the men’s prayer breakfast on Saturday and then to the morning service on Sunday. As I met people who, far away from home, faithfully find a church where they can worship each week, I was touched by their commitment to Christ. Military life is not easy and if you’re single or assigned overseas without your family, it can be doubly tough. I admire Christians who take their commitment of faith wherever they may be throughout the world.

To pastor Mike Ivey and to all those who provide a community of fellowship for believers who live away from their native land, thanks for the work you do.

Thank You

On my first visit to South Korea in 1980 I was overwhelmed by one word, kam sah hamnida, which means “thank you.”

A simple word, but I did not hear many “thank you’s,” in the previous four years while living in Kenya. Our family was on our way home from a grueling first term working in the bush of Africa and we spent twelve days in Korea visiting friends and speaking in churches from Seoul to Pusan. Among the tribal people of Pokot and Turkana, thank you didn’t come easily from many and non-existent for most. As a mzungu (white person) from the West, what I did for them was more expected than appreciated. It’s not that I need affirmation but I didn’t realize how nice it was to be valued until we visited Korea. The people of that country bowed and said kam sah hamnida to everything, all the time. They even thanked me for America’s part in the Korean war, though I was only four years old during those days in the early 1950’s.

In the early 1980’s I invited Dr. Kim to Kenya to speak to our pastors. He immediately asked me to teach him to say “thank you” in Swahili (which is asante). I thought it was interesting that the word he wanted to learn was one of appreciation. (I also told him the word for “toilet” was choo. He laughed and said that was a family name in his country.) What a wonderful culture that incorporates such an expression of respect in their language.


On this most recent visit to speak at the forty-fifth anniversary of the Bul Kwang Dong Bible Baptist Church I was reminded once again of the gracious spirit of the Korean people. Dr. Daniel Kim is a one of the nicest men I know, and it was a privilege to be invited to speak at their missions conference.

To Dr. Kim and the people of the Bible Baptist Church, let me say publicly, Kam sah hamnida. You were a great blessing to me this past week.

Korea

I am in Seoul this week, guest speaker for the 45th anniversary of the Bible Baptist Church. When the church was founded in 1961 there were about 1 million Christians in the country, 2% of its population. Forty-five years later there are 12 million Christians, 30% of the population. Korea, once a receiving nation of missionaries, now has the third highest missionary force, sending over 10,400 cross-cultural workers around the globe.

Its been said that when a Chinese goes to another country they start a restaurant. When a Japanese moves across the border they establish a business. When a Korean moves to another area they start a church. Not a bad reputation.