I try not to write a lot of personal stuff on this blog, and if I do I make an attempt for some missiological or spiritual application. Such is the case with the post today and I appreciate your indulgence. Yesterday afternoon my 88-year-old dad was diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s disease. A bit of a shock as we knew he is confused a lot lately, but thought it was dementia or just plain old age. As we think of the future for my dad and, certainly for my mom, it’s challenging time for all of us.
My wife and I moved back to the states last December for the express reason of lending a nurturing helping hand to my parents as well as my wife’s father (my mother-in-law passed away two years ago). Our siblings are local and have been taking care of family matters for the 40 years that Sandy and I have been either overseas or located in some other state. It wasn’t necessary for us to return, but we made a conscious choice to be around in the waning years of our parent’s lives. As a trainer and non-resident missionary, my role has evolved since our pioneering days in the bush of Kenya and I don’t feel it’s imperative for me to physically be on the foreign field to be effective in missions. With the news we received yesterday I think we made the right relocation decision. But the question must, should be asked, is it legitimate for a missionary to come off the field to deal with family issues?
A friend of mine is in California taking care of his mother, who also has Alzheimer’s. He is the only child and he told me his mission agency was not sympathetic to his problem and has asked him to resign. Some of his donors, he confided, also question him on how long it will be before he goes back to the field. He has no idea. Alzheimer’s is not something that has a well-defined time-line. Another friend was home several years because one of his kids was having psychological and emotional problems. After seven years the sending agency asked for his resignation and he is still bitter about it. Were they right to take such action?
Like everything, BALANCE is the key. I do believe that there is a biblical principle as it relates to family and ministry. In Luke 9:59-62 there was a man who hesitated in following Jesus, saying, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” But he (Jesus) said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” In the service of Christ family issues cannot, should not, take preeminence. At another, time, however, Jesus criticized the religious leaders for not taking care of their parents, using the work of God as an excuse to let them live in poverty (Matthew 15:3-7).
While not addressing my particular case, you make the call. What are your thoughts on missions and family issues? It’s a difficult decision that missionaries face everyday.
4 comments:
Years ago I remember being blessed by the words of Watchman Nee, who (to paraphrase) said that we do not live by the law of right and wrong but by the leading of the Holy Spirit. In one circumstance He may lead us to do one thing and in another similar circumstance He may lead us to do the opposite. The scriptures you provided indicate that with family, both leaving family for others to take care of and taking time to care for them ourselves are both good choices ... but we can only know exactly what to do at any given time by prayer and listening carefully to what God is saying.
Dear Richard and Sandy,
I have enjoyed looking at your lives through your pictures. Sharmila, Safia and I are grateful for your continued input in our lives over these past 17 years.
On hearing about your father, we pray you will have the energy and wisdom to nurture your dad and support one another at the same time.
Grace, mercy and peace be yours in abundance.
Randall
Making decisions is hard on everyone when it comes to taking care of parents. However, you also take into consideration honoring your father and mother in the 10 commandments as part of that care, in which I think you and sis have always done. Prayer is the best choice, God will lead you the right way, He knows best.
aunt daisy
I used to think I had all the answers. As I grow older and grow in grace, I only have more questions. Richard - you test my thought process more than anyone I know! (and thanks for that!)
I believe that we invest not so much in the MISSION but in the MISSIONARY. We must have a trust in the person(s) that we support and know that their relationship with Christ is where it needs to be to serve Him to the fullest extent possible.
So many things can be accomplished - albeit in different ways - without being on the field...extended learning, writing, research. A person who is called and truly dedicated to missions is always a missionary - whether we choose to support them or not. Unfortunately for some, the support is for the mission.
If that is true, then, just as in the corporate world, we spend most of our resources retraining someone for a particular task rather than utilizing the great resources we have in men (and women) that are willing to give themselves to serving full time.
Just some raw thoughts.
Blessings,
Lorna
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